You Had It All - Ave

[Sirius Orion Black III]

& I know I'm being bitter
But I'ma drag you under 'Cause you just don't
( deserve happy ever after )

There was part of him that hoped she cried, hoped she could know how angry he really was. It wasn't just at her, it was at at himself for going to prison and trusting people. He was mad at Prongs for DOING that to him. He was mad at Remus because he was Remus, and he was mad at Peter for being a dirty nasty rat. He was disgusting and he needed to be done off with. Harry has tried to be rational with him about it, but he didn't need to be, he had lost his parents because of the Rat, there was no reason for him to be rational and spare him. No. Reason. At. All.

He knew his temper needed work, but he didn't care at this point. All he had in life was the fact he was angry, it kept him on his toes, and he could keep people away with it. He enjoyed distance, he liked his space. He didn't want people thinking they knew him inside and out, he didn't want them to. If he did, he would have opened up long ago.

Yeah, yeah. She was sorry. He was sure she was. He pursed his lips, "I'm sure you are sorry. Everyone always is." He said with a sigh. He dropped his eyes, and he looked up slowly, "Well yeah, I'm a lot of things Ave, but I'm not a liar."

He didn't want her to cry, but again as he said, he sort of did. He hadn't cried, but he's sort of a guy, so it was a bit different. She didn't really know what he had been through, and he didn't really know what she was going through. It was sort of just one of those things, he didn't really understand women, he didn't understand himself either so he guessed he just didn't know how to beat people, or read them, or read them enough to beat them? Who did he really need to beat? James..No! He needed to let go of his anger, but one step at a time, he guessed. "Well, Ave. She's sort of insane, so it wouldn't be an easy fight. But, now that you know what she can do, I think you could probably change it by just getting to be better then her. Make it a goal to not die, and I'll make it a goal to not go to prison." He said, his gaze straight ahead. She then had to ask that, didn't she? He looked at her sideways, and he shrugged, "I don't know Ave, but anythings better then jail and death, right? Even if you don't end up with me, you can still be a mum, and a damn good one at that. Have a dumb husband, you know; what Muggles strive for. No shame in that, but you have to be alive to do it." He reasoned.

He had never been in a relationship. He didn't know what to do with her, or any other women. He didn't know if he would ever be normal. He didn't really understand anything about how to do things in relationships, and he didn't really want to try honestly. It would just end up with him being jealous, and acting like this all over again, and it could be worse and worse. He obviously needed to figure himself out before he did anything with anyone else.

She was talking again, so he shut her up. He supposed it would be rude not to answer her. He could just answer her with his mouth, but he didn't really know if that would be good enough. Women did love to talk, and he could have cared less about what most of them said, honestly. "Yeah, yeah. Now, stop thinking and take your clothes off. I've heard lovely things about make up sex." He said through their connected lips.

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WORDS,, 848
TAGGED,, Ave
OUTFIT,, CLICK
MUSIC,, 48 Hours
NOTES,, Do you EVER stop EATING!?
TEMPLATE,, by PANIC! ITS LAUZ of CAUTION

[ave]

She hated this, this whole situation, the damn time travelers or whatever the hell you wanted to call them. They say that ignorance is bliss and knowledge was power but honestly? Ave wished that she could have remained ignorant to everything that the future held for her and just gone on living her day to day life the way that she had been for the past few years—vicariously. But now she was a mess, both mentally and physically and it was so damn frustrating! Maybe that was selfish thinking but who the fuck cared? She wanted to be selfish! Though, maybe she should rethink that thought…she had been nothing but selfish as of late, that little fiasco with James in the Prefects Bathroom was the result of that…

Biting her lip, Eavan let out a sigh and nodded her head, “I know you’re not…I guess it’s just hard to believe sometimes when you look at your lifestyle—which, I can’t say anything about that because I live the exact same way—with the whole ‘commitment issue’ thing and not staying seriously with one person but…

[/color]” She ran her hand over her face, momentarily covering her eyes while she contemplated what she was about to say, “I don’t know, I don’t want to be known as some ‘easy bint’, you know? I really do want to change how I am—maybe it’d be for the better, yeah…?[/color]” Ave asked hopefully, wondering what his take on what she had just suggested would be. She wasn’t even sure if she could change her ways at this point, it was an addiction to her; hopping from guy to guy, she felt a certain adrenalin rush from it.

What was he thinking? She wondered if he was still angry with her, hell, she probably would have been if he had slept with Al. She shook her head, curly blond locks fanning out around her with the motion—just thinking about him and her best friend shagging each other was enough to make her blood boil. She already felt bad about what she had done, in fact, she had felt the regret almost instantly after it had happened. Ave wished there was a way that she could show him how sorry she truly was and how much she loathed herself for allowing her encounter with Potter to go so far. But, alas, there wasn’t a spell or enchantment that she could readily think of that would do such a thing.

“You’re right. She’s a person just like I am and she’s bloody well mental—she’s not better than me…I can beat her. I just…need to figure out how first. I’ll definitely need to start paying attention more in class.” She choked, but smiled to show him that she was serious about this and it was thanks to him for being so determined [young and old him] to make sure that she didn’t die this time around. “Mm, it’s not exactly my life’s goal to become a mum or even get married—I’ve never even thought about walking down the aisle like most girls have. For now I just want to live my life, travel the world maybe? Kick some Death Eater ass and maybe…focus on loving just one person…[/color]” As her speech wound down she found that she couldn’t look him in the eyes while she spoke, she wasn’t sure why this was or why when she said the last part his face appeared in her mind. She was being silly, that was probably because he was sitting right next to her so of course he was on her mind, especially with the subject of conversation they were having…

She faltered in her thoughts and quirked a curious eyebrow at him, her lips twitching, “You can’t possibly be serious. Someone could see us, this isn’t exactly the Astronomy Tower or the Room of Requirement—we’re outside.” She couldn’t help but to smile, despite herself.

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TAGGED , sirius
WORDS , 659.
LYRICS , "Breakdown" - Alexz Johnson
NOTES , Well, you're a poop nugget
CREDIT , Jade