You Had It All - Ave

[Sirius Orion Black III]

& I know I'm being bitter
But I'ma drag you under 'Cause you just don't
( deserve happy ever after )

Sirius was skipping class. He didn't care if he did this too much, he knew what was going on more then half the morons in this damn castle, so he could have cared less. He hadn't bothered to pull himself from his bed this morning, and he rolled out of bed once he knew breakfast would be over. He hadn't really been sleeping, but it was better then sitting in the common room all night again, recently, he found there was no good news for him. Apparently his life went to shit inside AND outside of school. His girl, or his favorite girl, and it was it. She had really fucked his best friend, or something of the like. It was hurtful, he didn't fuck her friends, why would she do that to his?

And, then she was screwing some other dude right at the same time. He figured he should have expected this, but why did it have to be now? He figured he couldn't do anything about it now, and he sighed. He moved out of the dorms, and he walked slowly down the stairs, and he couldn't be bothered to care about speeding up his pace. He stepped around stragglers to class, and he just walked slowly. He hit the ground floor, and he moved out into a courtyard, and he didn't look back.

He put his back against a tree, and he pulled his knees towards his face. He put his face straight down on his knees, and he closed his eyes. He could feel himself starting to doze, and he didn't want to, but he knew he was going to. He would sit out here and get his thoughts together, then go confront Ave, or James. Or the Poof even. Whoever he had the misfortune of running into first.

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WORDS,, 470
TAGGED,, Ave
OUTFIT,, CLICK
MUSIC,, Blah it sucks lol
NOTES,, War tiems nao
TEMPLATE,, by PANIC! ITS LAUZ of CAUTION

[ave]

Eavan had made many mistakes in the 15 years that she had been living, she wasn’t particularly proud of the things she had done but she tried to learn from her mistakes to become a better person. Was she a better person for having done some of the things that she had done? Well, she was probably a better person than some…specifically those slimey snakes—but other than that she felt pretty damn crummy. It seemed as if she just fucked everything up; she couldn’t do anything right and it made her feel absolutely miserable. She couldn’t protect her mother from dying, she couldn’t protect herself from Celeste’s attack, she couldn’t say no to Auguste when he thought that she was telling him that she loved him, and she couldn’t stop herself from making the biggest mistake of the semester [maybe even her life?]—screwing James Potter. It was something she had been trying to forget about ever since it happened, her line of reasoning was that since only she and James knew about it and neither of them were going to tell anyone about it that they could go on pretending that nothing ever happened and no one would be the wiser.

But unfortunately…every time she was near James or Sirius she couldn’t help but to think about that night in the Prefect’s bathroom. The guilt was eating away at her, she was losing sleep and felt like jumping off of the Astronomy Tower on most days—she just kept digging her metaphoric grave deeper and deeper and by now all the lies she’d been telling had piled up and threatened to tumble over and bury her alive.

Instead of going to class she found herself skipping her lessons for the day, snatching a late breakfast/brunch from the Kitchens and heading down to the Courtyard, finishing up her toast as she walked. It was one of those rare days where she just felt like being left alone. The November air was chilled and she could hear the loud crunch of the colorful leaves beneath her shoes as she walked across the Courtyard, passing by one of the trees and noticing that someone was sitting beneath it, though not taking the time to see who exactly it was she kept walking and planted herself down on one of the benches not too far away from the tree. Hazy gray eyes roved over the grounds before drifting skyward, watching the clouds lazily float by, seeing but not seeing anything at all. She was lost in her thoughts, trapped in her own world.

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TAGGED , sirius
WORDS , 431.
LYRICS , "Breakdown" - Alexz Johnson
NOTES , I'm hungry AGAIN! I'm such a Weasley ><
CREDIT , Jade

[Sirius Orion Black III]

& I know I'm being bitter
But I'ma drag you under 'Cause you just don't
( deserve happy ever after )

Sirius kept his feelings to himself more often then not. He didn't like people to know if something was bothering him. He didn't want people thinking he had feelings, where would that get him? People with mushy emotions never made it anywhere in life. Just look at Prongs, and see where it was getting him. He should tell Evans. Not sure what good it would do, but it really could hurt any chance he had with her. Though, at this point, Sirius would rather wait it out. He could use this, and he wasn't usually so vindictive, but he would let those parties involved in this know he wasn't playing. He and his...associate wouldn't be around to pick up their sorry asses forever.

And, he figured this anger would go away eventually, but he couldn't just let it go. He had to do something about it, and let them know he wouldn't tolerate it. He wasn't just talking either, he would get even. He rolled his head, and he opened his eyes slowly. He could see someone coming outside, and low and behold it was Ave. He watched her, and he could see her go and sit on a bench. Normally, he'd go over there, and he'd start a conversation, get in her pants, and walk on, go back to class. But now? He watched her from the shadows, and he wanted to know what she would do now. As she didn't notice him, he decided it was his time now.

He pulled himself up, and he walked towards her. He could hear the leaves crunching beneath his shoes, and he pushed his bangs out of his face. He stopped right in front of her, and he crossed his arms. He cocked his hips to the side, and he tilted his head lightly. He spoke, not looking directly at her. "So, you seem a little distracted. Was Prongs better then me?" He looked back towards her, and he swallowed, speaking again. "I mean, I imagine since you seem distracted and dazed that it must have been something. I wonder how Auguste would feel about that. It honestly feels cool to not be the other man for once, I think he should know about it, don't you?" He said with a cold voice, a cruel smile plastered across his thinly spread lips.

[/center]

WORDS,, 564 !
TAGGED,, Ave !
OUTFIT,, CLICK
MUSIC,, World's Dumbest
NOTES,, Stop eating ><!
TEMPLATE,, by PANIC! ITS LAUZ of CAUTION

[ave]

She didn’t know what she was going to do—she couldn’t ignore James forever and she couldn’t keep pretending that nothing was wrong. She was in a fake relationship with a boy who loved her and was under the impression that she returned his feelings when in truth she…she didn’t know what she felt for anyone! Eavan sought out the attention of men to make her feel better about herself but it was never enough to quell the pain she felt, it was empty, never enough to fill in the gap in her heart…

Eavan jumped at the sudden sound of Sirius’ voice, she hadn’t expected to see him of all people outside when she had decided to skip class—hell, she wasn’t expecting to even talk to anyone today. She was too far out of it to be able to provide decent company to anyone…

“Sirius, I…

[/color]” She glanced up at him, her eyes dull and lifeless, tilting her head to the side and furrowing her eyebrows, “…what did you just say…?[/color]” Her heart was hammering against her ribcage a million miles a minute and she was almost afraid that it was going to burst out of her chest. Biting her lip, Ave straightened her back, feeling panicked and trapped like an animal, “Wait, you can’t tell Auguste…Sirius, look…I can explain I…I can see that you’re not happy with be, but I can explain I promise…[/color]” She was grasping at straws, feeling frightened by the vindictive animosity that seemed to be rolling off of him in waves—animosity that was directed at her.

In truth she didn’t know what she could possibly say or do to make the situation go away or to make Sirius’ anger towards her disappear. The young Ravenclaw couldn’t even begin to put into words the immense guilt that she felt from her past actions and now that Sirius knew, or she assumed he knew since he had alluded to her and James’ rendezvous, she didn’t know what to do. She couldn’t imagine him not being in her life, though for the life of her she couldn’t imagine why the thought of him not being around anymore bothered her so much. Ave needed to make things okay again, but she didn’t even know where to begin.

I’ve fucked everything up, haven’t I…?
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TAGGED , sirius
WORDS , 387.
LYRICS , "Breakdown" - Alexz Johnson
NOTES , it's poopy D:
CREDIT , Jade

[Sirius Orion Black III]

& I know I'm being bitter
But I'ma drag you under 'Cause you just don't
( deserve happy ever after )

Anger, guilt, things of that nature should have been things he felt all the time. But did he? No, anger maybe. But guilt was an emotion he usually found lost on himself. He didn't know why he was so angry at Ave, he guessed it was just the idea that she would not only screw him, but his friends and apparently not even feel bad. Did he know she didn't feel bad? No, he didn't, but he made assumptions and those were good enough for him in his mind.

He startled her. Good, she deserved it. She deserved a lot of things. He would make sure she got everything she deserved too. If she left this confrontation with dry eyes, then he hadn't done his job, and he always did his job.

He looked at her, and as she stuttered at him, he felt himself speak, his voice raised. "You WHAT, Ave?!" He snapped, his voice booming off the walls around the courtyard. He listened as she stuttered. He couldn't help but laugh as she told him he couldn't do something. No one ever told him he couldn't do something. He ran his hand through his hair, and he looked at her. He began to bide his time. He pursed his lips, and he spoke finally. His voice was rather cold, but what else was new? "Well, I guess we can play this a few ways, yeah?"

He paused for effect, and he spread his legs a bit, getting a different stance. He folded his arms in front of himself, and he spoke again. "We could....let you explain yourself to me, then I could tell you're twit, or I could just go tell him now. I think either way he really does need to know, I figured I'd be the one to tell him you cheated with me, but you beat me to any sort of chance there." He moved his hands, and he gestured lightly, "Though, now that I think about it, I do really wanna know, why?" He stopped, taking a step closer to her, grabbing the spots on the bench around her shoulders.

He leaned into her, and he spoke once more, his eyes twitching a bit with anger. "Why did you do it right under my nose?" He emphasisized the later words very harshly, though his voice was hardly above a whisper.

[/center]

WORDS,, 574 !
TAGGED,, Ave !
OUTFIT,, CLICK
MUSIC,, World's Dumbest
NOTES,, Stop eating ><!
TEMPLATE,, by PANIC! ITS LAUZ of CAUTION

[ave]

He had every right to be mad at her, she knew that she deserved it, though for the life of her she couldn’t figure out why he cared so much—it wasn’t as if they were dating or had ever dated. They were just friends with benefits, or something along those lines, their relationship, if you can even call it that, had never really been defined. They were friends who enjoyed a good snog or shag every now and then. Was it that he felt betrayed because it had been his best mate that she had gotten with in her moment of weakness? Well, that certainly would have been a decent reason for his anger and she sincerely wished that her throat would stop feeling scratchy, like it was constricting tightly, leaving her unable to form any coherent sentences in retaliation to his stinging comments. Eavan wanted to tell him how much of a mistake it had been…how it wasn’t what she wanted and how she wished that she could change the fact that it had happened in the first place. But she doubted that he would even believe her, especially with how furious he was with her at the moment…

Sirius laughed, not the warm heart-stopping laugh that she usually heard coming from him, rather, this was a cold and sardonic laugh that made her want to curl up into a ball. Hearing him say how he had expected her to cheat in Auguste with him again made her heart skip a beat, and not in the good way. Was that what people really thought of her? Did they really anticipate her to be unable to stay with someone without cheating on said person? Granted, her track record really wasn’t as pristine as it probably should have been for someone as young as she was…but life was short and needed to be lived to the fullest, right? But the thought still made her sick…people expected her to ruin every relationship [she hated that word] she found herself in. Swallowing hard, Ave found her voice, “ Stop calling him that…and what Auguste and I have really isn’t what you think. I haven’t slept with him this time around like you seem to think I have…

[/color]” Not that that probably made any difference to Sirius.

The blonde shrunk back, her back pressed hard against the back of the bench as Sirius stooped over her, his hands on either side of her shoulders and his face dangerously close to her’s. Any other day, if they were caught in this position it would usually be because they were snogging the living daylights out of each other but now…

Deciding against being submissive in the argument any more, she met his gaze with a determined stare, “ It wasn’t like I had planned on it happening—I didn’t wake up one morning and say ‘today feels like a great day to go and shag Sirius’ best mate!’. It was an accident. Words can’t even begin to describe the regret I feel towards that night…and now you hate me and that’s the last thing I ever wanted…[/color]” She bit her lip, glassy eyed but refusing to cry in his presence.
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TAGGED , sirius
WORDS , 533.
LYRICS , "Breakdown" - Alexz Johnson
NOTES , bahh
CREDIT , Jade

[Sirius Orion Black III]

& I know I'm being bitter
But I'ma drag you under 'Cause you just don't
( deserve happy ever after )

Sirius hoped she was scared. If someone came at him looking like he was looking now, he would probably be a bit startled too. Normally, he probably wouldn't have been THIS angry, but he hadn't slept in days, his whole life basically ended once school was over, and he lost all his friends because of one little Rat. He was more then livid as it stood right now. He could have killed someone, Peter more then just someone, but regardless. His anger was, in his mind, justified. He couldn't see straight, and his anger was making things worse. His hands shook whenever he held them up, and he guessed that was probably from fatigue and lack of food, but that wasn't an issue at the moment.

He wanted to hit her. He wanted to hit something, blow something up. He didn't know where all this rage came from, how it could really come from one person, but it could, and it did. He just didn't get it, but he guessed it was just him. He listened as she spoke and he smiled lightly. She told him to do something, or stop doing something as it were. He didn't take orders well, and he knew this wasn't going to go well for her. He didn't know what his mind was going to come up with to say, but he was sure it would be offensive. "So, he actually gets a name this time around? Not just your boyfriend? How thoughtful of you, Ave! And, this regard for him! You haven't slept with him this time? I'm surprised, you've been together a few weeks now, that must be a record in itself really, but the fact you haven't done the deed yet? Wow. I'm really impressed, though I guess you still had an itch to scratch somewhere, and I guess that's where Prongsie dear came in, yeah? Auguste can't do it, but my best mate can; neato!" He said, a pseudo-cheerful tone catching as he finished.

She fell away from him as much as she could. Good, she needed to, he wasn't in a mood to have someone getting in his face, though he figured she would fight back eventually, but it wasn't a big deal. He would tear her down like he did anyone else who ever got in his face, getting in his face was a bad idea.

And, there it was. She was making the mistake he'd just spoken of. He bared his teeth at her as she spoke, and he felt his right eye clench, twitching again. He was practically seething now. He swallowed, and he leaned in further, her words still ringing in his ears. "This is where a bit of a thing called "self control" comes in love, ever heard of it? I guess not. I'm not just mad at you if that helps. Potter won't know what hit him, if I don't take his legs off or something of the like. So, speaking of Potters, I found out something you may love to know, hmm? After school you no longer have to deal with me, one of my other best mates sets me up, and I go to prison for the rest of my young life. Isn't that peachy, Ave? So, I guess I should just bail out now, nothing really left for me since I can't even rely on my friends." Some of that hadn't been meant to escape, but he guessed it just weighed heavy on his mind, and it just sort of got out. So, there it was, he guessed.

[/center]

WORDS,, 787
TAGGED,, Ave
OUTFIT,, CLICK
MUSIC,, Prince of Egypt >.>
NOTES,, I R DINOSAUR
TEMPLATE,, by PANIC! ITS LAUZ of CAUTION

[ave]

Eavan was incredibly upset, not just by what Sirius was saying seething to her but also from what his older self had said to her a few days prior—and, of course, all those horrible thoughts from before that were colliding against her head, she was beginning to feel a dull throb behind her eyes, the oncoming of a headache. She noticed that she wasn’t the only one feeling some sort of effects on her physical body from the situation—his hands were shaking. Shaking her head, clearing away the almost sympathetic thoughts that had threatened to take over. She couldn’t afford to sympathize with him when all he wanted was an altercation. He was treating her exactly the way he treated those pesky Snakes and anyone else who had the displeasure of making it on his shit list. This was exactly where she didn’t want to be; on his bad side.

“What the fuck, Black! It’s not like that at all! Would you just listen to me for once without immediately jumping to the conclusion that I had intended for this to happen from the very start? Because I didn’t! I never wanted to be with Auguste and I definitely never wanted to have anything more than a platonic relationship with Potter. It was all a horrible mistake, one that I desperately wish that I could forget but you know what? I…I can’t, I’m going to have to live with the fact that I royally fucked up my entire life. Which, in retrospect, isn’t going to be very long.

[/color]” She muttered the last part offhandedly, her tone turning more and more bitter and hopeless as she went on. Things really weren’t looking too good for her, were they?

She narrowed her eyes, “You’ve known me long enough to know I have trouble with controlling myself—I got caught up in the moment and if I could go back in time and change things then I would, believe me I would. Ugh, goddamnit. Why am I even bothering to try and explain myself? It’s not like you care. You’re just here to bitch at me. You’re not here to understand me or what happened.[/color]”

Eavan faltered and her eyes softened, her head snapping to the side resulting in her wavy blonde locks to shift and fall over her shoulder at the mention of Sirius’ intended future. So…he knew too? “Who told you that? The other Sirius?[/color]” Shaking her head and replacing the soft expression with another defiant one, “At least you have a life! Whether it’s shitty or not doesn’t matter because you’re at least a live. You wanna know what happens to me? Well, two years after we graduate I get killed by my family, so I can’t exactly say that I pity you and what happens to you after school because now I get to look forward to the day, a few years from now, when I get to say goodbye to the world. You know, the other you told me that I should fight to change what happens but what’s the point? You hate me, my family hates me, everyone hates me—I might as well just let things happen the way they were supposed to, huh?[/color]” She had started out confidently, loud and almost screaming at him but by the end of her rant her voice had taken on a more…softer quality, becoming as quiet as a desperate whisper. She felt ashamed that she was breaking down in front of Sirius, especially when, at this moment, that was probably exactly what he wanted and she played right into his hands, letting him have the satisfaction of seeing her broken beyond repair.
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TAGGED , sirius
WORDS , 615.
LYRICS , "Breakdown" - Alexz Johnson
NOTES , mm, quesadilla
CREDIT , Jade

[Sirius Orion Black III]

& I know I'm being bitter
But I'ma drag you under 'Cause you just don't
( deserve happy ever after )

He didn't know where his thoughts were going. They were all over the place, and he didn't know what was wrong with him. Anger was the only thing he ever saw, and he wanted it to stop. He hated situations like this, but at the same time, he walked himself into them. He sighed, and he could feel his hands tremble, and he could feel his energy draining quickly. He hated the fact he hadn't slept and that it was getting to him as bad as it was. He swayed a bit and he leaned forward a bit, feeling his back starting to ache. He shook lightly, the shake going up his arms, and through his shoulders.

Her life wasn't very long? He didn't like the sound of that. "You did screw up, and I am livid with you, and stuff, but what do you mean you are going to not very long? Live, not live very long. I don't like that. Don't talk like that. No one else is dying on me, Goddamnit and that's final!" He declare, yelling at her, not really meaning to. He furrowed his brow, and he swayed again, and he tripped a bit, and he caught himself above her. He just stayed there, watching her. This wasn't going as he planned now.

He nodded, "You always have had issues controlling yourself, but I figured you'd not do that...to me." He said, his voice softer then it had been. He didn't want to yell, nor did he have the energy. "You just have to know this, I do care, but don't tell anymore, it'd ruin how people see me." He said with a smartass tone. He swallowed, and he knew he needed to sit, he moved from where he was, and he dropped to the bench beside her. His head was swimming a bit, and he knew this was just a bad situation.

He looked at her, "My godson, he told me; also told me James and his bitchy woman die, and I get framed for murder and I end up in the slammer and leave him alone..." He said sadly, but then she was speaking again, and she wasn't pleased. She died. That's what she meant. He narrowed his eyes, and he spoke, but his voice wavered. "So, you know it, and I told you to change it and you won't change it, and you could? Why would you be that weak, Ave? You're better then that. And don't tell me otherwise, because I know it's bullshit." He said, he leaned into her a bit, and he looked at her, and he reached out, and he touched her chin, "And, I do get angry with you, and I am still angry with you, and Prongs, but I do not hate you; I couldn't hate you." He said with a weak smile, and he looked down at her lips for a second, and he further the leaning, and he pressed his lips to hers.

[/center]

WORDS,, 691
TAGGED,, Ave
OUTFIT,, CLICK
MUSIC,, Prince of Egypt >.>
NOTES,, I R DINOSAUR
TEMPLATE,, by PANIC! ITS LAUZ of CAUTION

[ave]

She cringed away from him, his voice coming out a little too loud, sending a ringing sensation tunneling through her ears and she could feel the beginning pulsing of a headache—whether it was from all the yelling between the two of them or the overwhelming emotion that she was feeling welling up inside of her. Ave didn’t want to stick around any longer…she hated feeling like this, the burning sensation deep inside her and the constricting feeling in her throat and Sirius was there to witness it all.

Ave felt incredibly uncomfortable, Sirius was leaning over her and staring straight at her, he was unpredictable and she was afraid that he was going to suddenly lash out at her once again but before doing so he’d lead her into a false sense of security. Or maybe she was simply giving him too much credit. Though she did feel quite flattered that even through his anger he still cared enough to want her to, you know, not die.

She hung her head in shame, “I told you…I’m really sorry Sirius. I promise I never…I never wanted to hurt you of all people.

[/color]” Eavan lifted her head, meeting his gaze with a somewhat dumbstruck widening of her eyes, “Do you really? Care, that is. You’re not just saying that…?[/color]”

Biting her lip, Eavan fixated him with a curious stare, rubbing at her eyes with the back of her palm, hoping that she didn’t look as miserable as she felt—she knew that her eyes were red and glistening with tears of regret and frustration from their argument, but being the type of girl who enjoyed looking her best she didn’t feel right knowing that she was a mess. “But I am weak! I couldn’t even beat Celeste a few fucking weeks ago let alone, you know, when it counts! How am I supposed to change my future if I can’t even beat that French dipshit?[/color]” She drew in a shaky breath, “And let’s say, hypothetically, that something does change and I don’t die…what would that mean? For us?[/color]” It was a nagging question, sure, but there had never really been an ‘us’ when it came to the two of them but if everything that older Sirius had said to her was true then maybe there was hope for them.

Well, assuming she wanted there to be something between the two of them. She had never really thought about it before, to be honest, she had always tried her best to skirt around that particular thought because she and Sirius were too similar in personalities and therefore she knew that being with him [and vice-versa] wouldn’t be a good idea…but maybe that’s what maybe them mesh so well together?

She swallowed hard, “I can’t blame you for being mad at me…but, um, is there any hope for you forgiving me?[/color]” Ave managed a weak smile, attempting to lighten up the somber mood. And then…she was caught by complete surprise when he leaned into her and captured her lips, Eavan wasn’t sure how to react at first but after a moment or two she did the natural thing and closed her eyes, returning the kiss.

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TAGGED , sirius
WORDS , 532.
LYRICS , "Breakdown" - Alexz Johnson
NOTES , it's poopy =/
CREDIT , Jade